Allow me to introduce myself. I am a gainfully employed, God-fearing,
law-abiding citizen, and I come in peace. I don’t bet on baseball, I
take excellent care of my gums, I keep my tray table locked and upright
from takeoff to landing. Oh, and there’s one more thing: I am what is
commonly referred to in polite society as “an unmarried woman.” Truth be
told, I now have a boyfriend and a baby girl—it’s all very modern—but
much of my 30s involved ostensibly concerned bystanders averting their
eyes, asking how many cats I own, and sharing their private theories on
where it all went so hideously wrong for me. Ah, yes, I remember it
well. And when I start to forget, I still have plenty of single
girlfriends in various states of angst to remind me of the grotesque
fix-ups, the ham-handed remarks, and the brutal Thanksgiving dinners.
For those valiant, traumatized souls, I present my list of the ten
things one must never say, think, or do when dealing with a single woman
over the age of 35.
